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Since June 2023, I have been in constant advantage if the Queen’s cups will survive. The past half has been brutal and filled with many sleepless nights, constant anxiety, avoidance and distrust. After nearly 13 years, how am I in this potion? There is more than one answer to this question, some of which I am aware of, unfortunately and many lessons of life. With every closing of small business, I feel a noise in my heart and the question in my mind: Are we else?
I don’t know if we are else. Hope no, because I love my work, my employees and our customers. But as every week passes, anxiety lives. Whenever we advance, we take three steps back. In just one year, I had a problem with my HVAC, both Motors Furen went, and my screen issue had an issue that had to be fixed. A total of about $ 10,000, and I have no funds. The cost of butter, eggs and packaging continued to climb. Loan payments, credit card payments, salary list, is never running out. You name it; We are dealing with it.
I have avoided discussing these issues available. Most people in my life do not even know what we have received. I’m not one for a leaflet, and much of what we have to do is my fault. I have been wrong in the past when our sales were much more. I got the debt that I shouldn’t have, and I did everything I could think of continuing the business, even being open seven days a week. I stretched myself so thin I became the miserable old renee that I tried so hard to change.
I have received my families’ personal money, maximum heloc, maximum every credit card I have, both of my 401k, I received a loan for insurance my life and my husband, I received a personal credit from one of my brothers And a close friend, and borrowed (and still haven’t repaid them) money from my parents. My credit score has fallen.
The fault I feel is the elephant in the room. HAVES I HAVE TO KEEP THE BUSINESS IN THE DETAILS that can touch my children? I had a son in March. I don’t remember it as a newborn because the burden I put on my family mixed with my hormones after my partner put me in a bang. I enrolled to surrender for Doordash and Instacart, much for my husband’s disapproval. Instead, he worked 60 hours a week to keep us in the sea. When I could even get a salary from the Queen’s cups, it was cut in half and unreliable. I loved it before, but in recent years, I learned what love is. It’s not always beautiful or fun, but it’s always there when it’s true.
I used to be the new small business administration entrepreneur in the USA for Massachusetts. I gave the starting address at the Worcester State University, giving advice to young students who needed a role model. I returned a 750 -square -foot dream to this flowering business in the canal circle. I wrote these columns with tips for small businesses owners. Now, at the top of the burden and guilt, I can add fraud to that list. I lost my function and trust. When you felt down for so long, it is easy for your faith to fall with it. I used to be that motivational person who inspired others to follow my steps. Now I live with these dark clouds on me.
But the truth is, I still love my work. I still feel the excitement when I go inside and heat the ovens, fill the sinks and wears a podcast in the morning. I continue to look for ways to improve business, add classes, find the next big thing. I never have, despite increasing costs, corners to reduce our quality. My fire is still burning, though so many times over 18 months, it was like a burning candle. I don’t know what the future holds for me, and it has been difficult to get these feelings on paper.
I know I’m not the only one. If you are fighting this war, I am with you.
Renee Diaz is the owner of the Queen’s Cup furnace in Worcester